Estonia.

Dear friends,
I had to wait till my feet hit home to write about this next story. It effected me deeply and emotionally.
One of the tour events was a reenactment of the day 30,000 Estonians were deported to Russia. Siberia. At least 500 were JW's. On the bus ride there we were laughing and talking but when the bus opened for the tour the brother said what you will see now is sobering. Please follow quietly.
We had heard no spoilers but that it would make us cry. I expected something different than what we felt.
Imagine this, a older beautiful train station. Small neat and still feeling from that era. Cracked stones and old wood flooring.
The guide takes us thru explains that we can take pics but not to talk or go beyond the platform. By chance the three off us were in separate places watching. Up the track a bit was a train car and other older trains. A group of people dressed from 1951 dark cold ruff clothing. Old bags. A make shift tea kettle. A woman wrapped in a babushka scarf with a babe in her arms. Old ones sitting on old suitcases. Quietly standing waiting heads bowed and sad looking. 30 people maybe. There was a train whistle blowing here and there a slight breeze. I tell these details because every sense was on alert. I was thinking at first oh this is dear ones just play acting. Actors. Not any more. As I got in front of the scene a military officer in full garb and hateful hard face walked past on the platform. I no longer thought fake but real. I started to then really imagine it as if I had been there.
There was soft talking from the 1951 Estonian brothers and one brother pacing quietly got to close to the military captain and he Yelled and shouted an order and slammed the brother back. Fierce. Hard. Hurtful. All gasped. The older brother a few min later got up and not really near enough but a target of this military bully was screamed at again and then ... A shot! In the air but u didn't know at first. The sound had my nerves on every level jumping. So loud so frightening. The tears for MY BROTHERS over came me. Beyond what is normal. I had always had a sympathy and love for our brothers here in this side of the world but it was too much. The hurt the unjust treatment then The Calm reserved dignified response of the brothers and sisters. I was sobbing quietly. I backed my butt away from the front of the group and leaned against the railing and just sobed.
How on earth does a person react to something reenacted as if it were real?? Am I weak minded? Just a cryer? There other handful that were near the rail were my husband and a couple of other brothers. I was not alone in my grief for our brothers. I am afraid to tell u this but I felt such anger I wanted to knock the soldiers on their duff. I think one soldier saw it in my eyes earlier. It would have been hard to look him in the face later out of the Scene.
We now are guided to the other side where this is a cattle car open we are instructed to get in. There r no windows. It is old. It is used for live stock. There would have been animal dung and smell in their times. Cassandra was a distance off kevin was near me but the strangest thing this tall gorgeous sister cassies age who was our tour guide another time named ImBI had put her arm around me. I had gone to the corner to not be noticed for my uncontrollable stream of tears. She was there she was a foot taller than me but she blended right in my side. We stood quietly as all the bus group entered the cattle car. Kevin in front of me IMBI next to me. She and I didn't talk just held quietly. She was such a part of me. You know when u hug someone and there's a time limit? Either yours or theirs? Not us. As we watched and experienced this together I thought they too must have bonded deep in their bones with their brothers and sisters. I will never forget the comfort of her arms and the safety of my husbands back. ( I was hiding a bit behind him). The sisters in charge of the train car said they are closing the doors for a moment. 40 of us in there. Barely room to move.. It was dark even tho day time. Only filtered light thru the cracks. And then...
Someone started to sing quietly. A kingdom song that we all knew and in different languages of the group we sang. And instead of putting me into the mental ward I stopped crying. And a calmness and peace settled on my heart. You can find peace in adversity. And how it is increased when you share in this with your brothers and sisters.
This was my earth shaking moment of our trip to estonia for the 2015 special convention. May JAH be Blessed.
I wish everyone of you could have been there . I love you.
Kathleen.


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